Birds and the Bees

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There’s no way I’m ready for the birds and the bees talk. My oldest is only five but the other day the subject was broached when I was re-reading a childhood book about kittens in a bid at remembering how to teach our new addition to stop depositing in the shower. Noticing Cade looking over my shoulder I decided to read it aloud and every thing was fine until I got to the speying and neutering page.

“These cats have had the same operation Jesse had the other day,” I said.

“Why did they have to have it too?” he asked.

“Because remember I told you Jesse needed an operation to stop him wandering off to find girl cats and that would stop him getting into fights or run over? And these girl cats have a different operation to stop them having kittens.”

Lower lip starting to tremble: “But why can’t they have kittens?”

“Because if everyone didn’t give their cats the operation there’d be too many kittens and some people don’t look after them and they have so many they dump them.”

“So, does the operation kill the kittens in the mummy cat’s tummy?”

Oh heck.

Some fast thinking then: “No, the kittens aren’t already in there, the operation the boy cat had stops the boy cat putting seeds into the girl cat which grow into kittens.” I can expand on that further down the track.

This was accepted and I thought I had got away with it until later that day. We were driving into town when he asked out of the blue: “Mummy do you write stories on your computer and give them to the newspaper?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“So are you called a ju .. jur …jurnlist?”

“That’s right!” I answered impressed. “How do you know that?”

“My teacher told me when I told her you write stories.”

At that point we drove past my childhood home so, making the most of his interest, I pointed it out and proceeded to tell him an edited version of my life story.

“And then we came back from overseas, bought the house you live in now and got married,” I finished.

“And then did I pop out of your tummy?” he asked.
”That’s right.”

Pause then: “So did you just leave Jai and Jayla in there?”

Oh bugger.

“How about we leave some of these questions for your daddy to answer,” I resorted. “I think you’ve already learnt enough for today.”

He nodded in agreement and, thank goodness, let the subject be.

 # According to family therapist and parenting coach Diane Levy we shouldn’t rely on “The Chat” as with all knowledge children should be acquiring information in small digestible bits at a rate that matches their ability to understand and in a context that is happening naturally.

“It is a good idea if your children can have this information before they are five or six.  That way, you take charge of it before their friends can tell them. By the time they are old enough to identify reproduction with their own bodies (about seven or eight), they don’t feel betrayed because they feel that they have always known.”

Diane, who is a tv presenter, magazine panellist and author says to start early giving toddlers a vocabulary of body parts that will be familiar to them when the time comes to explain reproduction.

Sooner or later you may be asked, “How did I get into Mummy’s tummy?” That’s the easy question.  “You started as a tiny seed and you grew and grew and grew.” And then you may get the big question, “How did the seed get there?”  If you can manage it, just give the straight answer.”

Diane also recommends age-appropriate books.

“Most children are fascinated about how their body works. Expect your children to want these “stories” over and over again. As with all other books, they will need to hear them many, many times until they have integrated the information.”

More information on this topic can be found in Diane Levy’s book Of course I love you…NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!