Reconnecting

“Mum, can you please play Lego with me?”

“No, I’m too busy,” came my standard stressed-out answer.

I am noticing many stressed-out mummies around me lately and I am also noticing a lot of the stress seems to be brought on by ourselves. We take on too much and it’s ultimately our kids who suffer.

You know, all they want is a present mummy, not her retreating back and half a listening ear to their chitter-chatter. They also, unselfishly, want the best for their mummy, which is to be happy and healthy.

Until recently, my own stress culminated in a big life change. I was running myself ragged and then wondering why I couldn’t sleep. Adrenaline had a lot to do with this and four hours sleep over a 24-hour period night after night cannot be good for you. Sleeping pills and Panadol featured regularly where exercise had long gone out the window. I hadn’t seen my friends for months, despite their proximity to me, and found myself shunting the kids off to bed at the earliest possible moment without spending any quality time with them. Where did the two most important things - whanau and health - fit in?

We think we’re invincible but my body began telling me otherwise. Strange things were happening and, after no longer being able to ignore it, I finally listened to the signals and, making the mistake of Googling extensively, was convinced I had a serious illness.

With this in mind, my life flashed before my eyes. A series of tests and a few hundred dollars later, and after a tormenting wait, the answer turned up: stress.

Well I could do something about stress. I felt like I’d been given a second chance and so began my new life.

This meant the hard decision of leaving my job. I explained to the kids that we were going to be very poor from now on but that mummy would have a lot more time for them and wouldn’t be so grumpy. They voted unanimously for a stay-at-home non-grumpy, albeit poor, mum.

The first thing I did was write a list of all the things I love doing. I was shocked to find not a single item featured in my life.

As a result, I now make the time to exercise, attend the kids’ events, re-establish idle friendships, make future plans, write, keep on top of my home and gardens and am averaging five or six hours sleep. That one’s still a work in progress. But more importantly, every day I make a point of spending one-on-one time with my kids. It may mean dinner is an hour late but the look in their eyes and change in behaviour is worth it.

I now refer to this list every day to keep myself on track and remind myself why I did this.

Christmas this year will be far from extravagant and the kids have been forewarned. They seemed fine with it. And someone reminded me the other day that it’s not the materialistic things they will look back on, but the experiences.

So any stressed out mummies reading this, I recommend writing a similar list and see if the items feature in your life. If so, well done – I’ve re-joined your club. 

Now I must be off, I have a date to play Lego with my son.