Celebrity Goss Fix

Since when did Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon split up?

Getting my weekly dose of celebrity goss used to be a high priority BC (before children). In fact, if I’m honest, it was still a sneaky indulgence after children, it would just be by way of having a quick flick through the magazines whilst waiting in the checkout queue. ET (Entertainment Tonight) would also bring me up to speed on the goings-on in Hollywood while multi-tasking.

Although I’d take a lot of the content with a grain of salt and put some of it down as gobble-de-gook, it was a habit I just couldn’t give up. We all have our thing.

While others pride themselves on general knowledge at such events as quiz nights, I would unashamedly be the one with the answers on anything celebrity.

But when I re-entered the work force earlier this year, that all came to an end.

I only had withdrawals for several weeks before realising that I could still survive without knowing who had hooked up with who and how any kids Brangelina now had.

But last weekend I was most disgruntled to discover just how much life had carried on since I’d dropped off the celeb knowledge radar.

I’d taken the kids up to the hospital to visit my nana and, as well as enjoying (careful) cuddles with their beloved great-grandma, the highlights were indulging in her stash of chocolate biscuits they’d been eyeing up as soon as they walked in, and the ride in the elevator.

On the way back down, we were joined by an elderly man and the elevator doors closed on the five of us.

After a moment’s silence Master Five turned to the man and loudly declared: “Gidday mate!”

The man looked down at Master Five: “Gidday mate!” he cheerily replied and the two stood grinning at each other for a while.

The rest of us quietly tittered in our respective corners which, of course, prompted Master Five, ever the show-off, to say it again.

And again, and again.

“That’s enough, you’re just being cheeky now,” I warned him.

“He’s not being cheeky, you’re just being friendly – aye mate?”

We exited the lift with our new buddy now chatting like old mates.

“Would you like some celebrity gossip?” he asked pro-offering the stack of magazines he was holding. “I bring them up to my wife and swap them over each day.”

Would I ever. My eyes lit up like an alcoholic at what he was offering. I knew I wouldn’t have time, but I would make the time.

They took me a good week to work my way through skim-reading – none of this reading every article word-for-word like the days of old. I’ve still got some on the go but so far I’ve learnt that: J-Lo and her toy-boy have split, the late Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence poor little cute orphan Tiger-Lily has grown into an 18-year-old with a boyfriend, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr appear to have done a husband and wife swap and Geri Halliwell had some new man on her arm which must be such old news that it didn’t even rate a mention!

Imagine my shock when I discovered Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon had split when, last I read, the so-called happiest couple on earth were renewing their wedding vows.

This was all a bit much for some ‘light’ bed-time reading and was certainly doing the opposite of sending me to sleep.

So now that I’ve been brought up to speed with such ‘need-to-know’ knowledge, I’m faced with the dilemma of keeping up-to-date or letting it slide for another year.

Based on how disturbed I was by many of my discoveries, I think I’ll opt for ‘ignorance is bliss’.

Best I brush up on my general knowledge instead then.